I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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