let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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