Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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