You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
