That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
