She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
