I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
