Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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