Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
