She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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