I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
