capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
