On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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