I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
