Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
