Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
