if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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