Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
