So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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