From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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