Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
