So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
