I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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