There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
