he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
