I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
