he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
