The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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