i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
