Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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