Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
