i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it glows. i had to have it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
