Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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