I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
