I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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