Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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