Hey man sorry I got all grabby
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
