are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
