well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
