Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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