rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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