he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
