Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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