I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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