Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
