Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
