the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
