I'm jealous of your bromance
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
