She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
