Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
