First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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