Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
